Help! My Husband Insists on Having Every Business Lunch at a … Very Specific Restaurant. This Could Ruin His Career.

Business

<section>                                <div itemprop="mainEntityOfPage">          <p data-word-count="30" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wkm73002sdekv4ke1ca7q@published"><em>Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years&mdash;so we&rsquo;re diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers.</em><strong></strong><strong>Submit your own questions to Prudie here</strong><strong>.</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wy74l001z3b782z3at93v@published"><strong>Dear Prudence,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="245" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19300243b78vhe2ta8c@published">My husband is a rising executive for an international company. He does a lot of interviews for new hires. The other day he said to me that he was planning to have lunch at Hooters with a potential employee. When I voiced my concern about his choice of restaurant, he patronizingly said he met his boss at a Hooters. I doubt that, but as he was dressing to go, I reiterated my concern. He left for work without even his usual kiss goodbye. We exchanged several text messages later and I told him how hurt I was by his behavior. He said it would be embarrassing for him to change the meeting place now, but he would do it for me. He stated he did not see anything wrong with this venue, and I was making &ldquo;mountains from molehills.&rdquo; He doesn&rsquo;t seem to understand that he has been conducting business at a place that holds little regard for women.&nbsp;Not so incidentally, the company is dealing with a discrimination action by female employees. How can he overlook the implications of having an interview lunch at an establishment known for being a &ldquo;breastaurant&rdquo;? I asked him if he would interview a woman there, as this would logically show him what an inappropriate place it is to conduct business. Am I overthinking this, or if my husband wants to keep his job and title, should he stay out of this place while conducting any of his company&rsquo;s business?</p>  <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19400253b78hlazjoxr@published">&mdash;Executive Wife</p>    <p data-word-count="3" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19400263b78jkrfegju@published"><strong>Dear Executive Wife,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="244" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19400273b78dxfx4nvh@published">It&rsquo;s Hooters that insists on mountains not molehills. I agree with you that your husband is jeopardizing his standing in the company by making this salacious place his satellite office. When you asked him if he would bring a female candidate to Hooters, you don&rsquo;t say what his response was. Maybe he didn&rsquo;t have one because he knows it would never happen. That doesn&rsquo;t mean it&rsquo;s acceptable for him to limit his Hooters lunches to fellow males. If his company has a problem with women it may be in part because it is attracting the kind of male employee who would see nothing wrong with being assessed while surrounded by young women in revealing tank tops. But to get your message across, you need to lower the temperature of the discussion. Apologize for getting so bent out of shape (try to sound sincere), but say that you don&rsquo;t want to just let it go out of concern for his thriving career. Then explain that as a woman, you are particularly sensitive to the signals that are being sent by what may seem to him to be an innocent choice of lunch place. Say that given the company&rsquo;s existing troubles with sex discrimination issues, he does not want to do anything that might draw the negative attention of the company&rsquo;s legal team. Tell him that a display of cleavage and a lousy hamburger are not worth unwittingly ending up as an exhibit in a lawsuit.</p>  <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19600283b780jakxz7u@published">&mdash;Emily Yoffe</p>          <p data-word-count="6" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19600293b78c9fv3kcv@published"><em>From: </em><em>Family&rsquo;s Guy.</em><em>  (Jan. 02, 2014).</em><br><em></em></p>        <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz196002b3b78gyft2k4e@published"><strong>Dear Prudence,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="127" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3x2b9d003i3b7854elxw07@published">I am a pastor, so confidentiality is important to me. Currently a couple in the church are divorcing. There have been issues for some time and I have spent time with each of them&mdash;keeping each conversation private. I feel like I&rsquo;ve been walking a very thin tightrope. My question is that one member is now posting and spreading some rather nasty rumors suggesting a mental illness of the other. I know we can never know what is going on behind the closed doors of a marriage but these rumors seem completely unfounded and I fear that they could hurt that person&rsquo;s reputation even more than the divorce already has. I realize I have different standards due to my profession but I am really stumped with this one.</p>  <p data-word-count="1" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz197002c3b78m7tii3hl@published">&mdash;Divorce</p>    <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19c002d3b784fbplbhv@published"><strong>Dear Divorce,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="118" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3xf2ez00453b781hyuqg29@published">You are in the perfect place to counsel the blabber about how spreading damaging rumors will hurt him or herself as well as the estranged spouse. You can say you understand how under extreme stress it may feel good to strike out. But the person spreading rumors about a loved one (even one no longer loved) demeans him or herself. If there are children involved, this will do terrible damage to them. Surely, you can find the right Bible passages to back you up. You can say you are there to provide a safe space to unload, but that you urge that even when a marriage breaks down, that each party is entitled to their privacy and dignity.</p>  <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19c002e3b78l81ei891@published">&mdash;HEY</p>    <p data-word-count="7" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19c002f3b78gtpjvaaj@published"><em>From: </em><em>Complainers Never Prosper</em><em>. (Jan. 13, 2014).</em><br><em></em></p>        <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19d002g3b788hfy2kjd@published"><strong>Dear Prudence,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="210" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19d002h3b780xywknbn@published">My mother and stepfather want me to donate my eggs to them so they can have a baby. I declined to do so. But they have been pushing and prodding at me about it and won&rsquo;t take no for an answer. Now my grandmother is calling me a &ldquo;home-wrecker,&rdquo; saying that my mother and stepfather will get divorced if they&rsquo;re incapable of having a child. My family refuses to go to a donor outside the family because it wouldn&rsquo;t be &ldquo;their&rdquo; child, and they say my genes are 50 percent from my mother. They also won&rsquo;t consider adoption because they say &ldquo;those kids are disgusting and messed up.&rdquo; They plan on having my eggs harvested and raising my child as their own.&nbsp;I am a university student who lives at home, though lately I have been crashing on friends&rsquo; couches in order to avoid going home because the situation has gone from hard to ridiculous. My family has been controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive all my life, and until recently I didn&rsquo;t realize that normal families aren&rsquo;t like this. I have no way to escape because I can&rsquo;t afford to move out&mdash;I have a job that doesn&rsquo;t pay that well, and I&rsquo;m also a full-time student. What can I do?</p>  <p data-word-count="1" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19d002i3b78iaxdzarc@published">&mdash;Fertile</p>          <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19d002j3b786n8y8elo@published"><strong>Dear Fertile,</strong></p>    <p data-word-count="141" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19d002k3b78y0d2xjjx@published">Thankfully you are in no danger of waking one day to find a nursery&rsquo;s worth of your eggs having been physically removed against your will (a ghastly thought that recalls the urban legend of travelers waking up in ice-filled hotel bathtubs short a kidney). But what could happen is that your will to resist is weakened through intimidation, extortion, and threats. Your family sounds like a dystopian nightmare out of Margaret Atwood. It&rsquo;s good your education outside the classroom has made you aware that the way you were raised is wrong. But this realization comes at a time when you&rsquo;re not yet financially or emotionally independent. It&rsquo;s unfortunate that circumstances are forcing you to turn away from your family, but doing so will give you the power to resist this grotesque plan and set you on the path to psychological health.</p>  <p data-word-count="130" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3xgf2r004p3b78pp556eof@published">As a full-time student you must immediately avail yourself of the resources of your university. Go to the counseling center, describe what is going on, and say you need help. Explain that you are afraid to go home and have been sleeping on the couches of friends. You need a counselor&rsquo;s guidance in extracting yourself from this situation. You should also be referred to the financial aid office to help you get declared an &ldquo;independent student,&rdquo; and thus eligible for grants and housing to allow you to finish your education. Be prepared that breaking away is going to bumpy&mdash;it&rsquo;s scary to imagine life apart from one&rsquo;s family, even if one&rsquo;s family is pernicious. But you can start building a new life in which your physical and psychological safety are bedrocks.</p>  <p data-word-count="2" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19e002l3b783i9cmof3@published">&mdash;HEY</p>  <p data-word-count="6" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19e002m3b78pmdq2o1t@published"><em>From: </em><em>Poached Eggs</em><em>. (Jan. 23, <span>2014).</span></em></p>    <h3 data-uri="slate.com/_components/subhead/instances/cmh3wze3l002x3b78037gcifv@published">Classic Prudie</h3>  <p data-word-count="77" dates="slate.com/_components/slate-paragraph/instances/cmh3wz19e002o3b789x2jfpfs@published">My husband and I both use Facebook, but I am a much more active user than he is. For special occasions, such as my birthday, it would make me feel very special if he&rsquo;d write a post about me, which is what I see a lot of friends do. I know it&rsquo;s silly, but I like it, and it would mean a lot to me. My husband refuses to do this, because he thinks it doesn&rsquo;t matter.</p>  <div data-list="Advice" dates="slate.com/_components/newsletter-signup/instances/cmh3wkm73002vdekv9mwvyojl@published">        <svg width="13" height="20">          <use xlink:href="http://slate.com/media/components/newsletter-signup/sprite.svg#arrow"></use>        </svg><h2>Business Never miss new Slate Advice columns</h2>      <p><span>Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.</span>    </p></div>  </div>      <ul><li>                                                    Advice                      </li><li>                                                    Dating and Relationships                      </li><li>                                                    Dear Prudence                      </li><li>                                                    Jobs                      </li>      </ul>  </section>